In the gossamer light of an oval moon the invasion begins. The quiet invitation to assemble is triggered by the breath of a warm spring night and the near full lunar light. The siren call – integrated within the fabric of the air – broadcasts throughout the forest landscape and vibrates tiny cells within the primal brains of those living there. It awakens an urge that has slumbered for a year. It prompts their four legged owners to move out from under stone and log and to hop, waddle, and crawl to the ancestral water places.

  The low steady inner mantra pulsates louder with each step and reaches a tribal frenzy by the time the pond edge is achieved.  Immersing in the moon speckled elixir, the beckoned are overtaken by their inner chant and give it voice. Instantly the mantra is translated into a loud mechanical “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” that announces to the world that the toad mating season has begun.

  Perhaps I am being a bit overdramatic here, but the annual American Toad migration/mating season is a fascinating thing to witness.  For a very short time each spring – night and day – the warty amphibians make their way to local marshes, ponds and watered ditches to sing, mate and lay eggs. For the balance of the year, toads are solitary land dwelling creatures as likely to be found in your garden as beneath a rotten log. As far as we know, their thoughts are strictly on food and shelter for most of the year (perhaps this is the reason behind their permanent scowl). When the gentle winds of spring awaken their romantic instincts, however, they head for the singles bars.

  A toad gathering place needs to be shallow, wet and weedy.  As long as it doesn’t dry up before mid summer, it can even be temporary in nature. At any rate it should be someplace where there are no fish predators that could eat the kids. For the most part these are ancestral places remembered like a salmon’s home stream. Beckoned to assemble at the mutually common watering holes, the guys and gals can get together and do what nature hath demanded they do.

  The basic routine is this.  The guys sing until the gals eventually show up to listen to the show. A female selects a personal favorite and makes eyes at him. Without the need for further prompting, the guy leaps at her and grabs her tightly from behind – a position known as amplexus. He hangs on for dear life and refuses to let go until she lays her eggs.  (I recall one news story from 25 years ago that showed a picture of a “two headed toad” which was obviously a male amplexing with a female. Imagine the wonder when this creature miraculously separated into two complete individuals).

  When the Misses begins laying her gelatinous string of eggs, Mr. fertilizes them as they come out. The eggs kinda look like those old fashioned dot candies that you used to get – you know the ones on the paper strip (except these dot candies are black and covered with snot).  Once the laying is complete, he releases his grip and is gone to find another love interest.  She does the same (when you hold it in for a year at a time, I guess that’s the way it goes!). Neither text messages the other for the remainder of the year.

  This is the way it’s supposed to happen, but there are some mighty embarrassing moments at the toad pond before the gals show up.

  Today I watched a dozen male toads perform their ancient ritual at a stag affair.  To begin each call, air is taken in through the caller’s nostrils and the body is inflated with a few rapid pulses of the throat.  The air is then re-directed into the throat pouch which inflates into a hard round balloon. The “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” call, an alien spacecraft type sound, is created by passing the air through the vocal chords. While in mid call, the water touching the side of the caller vibrates like a sonic cleaner.  After 5 seconds or so the sound trails off and preparations begin for another call.

  As each male calls, others join in until the air is ripe with deafening vibrations. Each toad eyes the nearby water for any movement that would indicate an adoring female. Any movement will elicit a leap and grab response. Unfortunately, in this group of males, other males are the only ones moving.  Time after time, I witnessed an overzealous male singer grab onto another overzealous male singer.  The grabber, lost in the passion of the moment, expects a loving embrace while the one being amplexed reacts with a harsh indignant “Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww” call.

  This “Ewwwwwwwwwww” call immediately informs the first of the errors of his ways.  It is a verbal slap on the back of the head that says “Back off Jack- I’m a guy too.” The first releases his hold and the two look away as if it never happened.  Soon the girls will come and all will be forgotten. Until that time, all resume their “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee be guys” chant.