I am fascinated by the fungi selection at the local Timmy Ho’s (that’s familiar-speak for the Tim Horton’s/ Coldstone Creamery coffee shop). I’m fairly sure this is not something the proprietors deliberately market, but in my mind it ranks right up there with their Cinnamon Rolls and Coffee. For some strange reason they are not on the menu board and I feel there is a missed opportunity here. Fortunately, there is ample opportunity to review the collection right outside your window as you wait in the car line.

These fungi sprout from the magic bark chips bordering the take-out lane. In years past, large patches of Dog Vomit Fungus have dominated the bark bed. Looking exactly like the name implies, they appear as amoeba-shaped blobs of yellowish puke (without the chunks). There could not have been much demand for this product and I assume this was why it was quietly removed from the list this year. The Earthstars and Bird’s Nests which replaced it, however, are a different story. They might well cut into the pastry sales– especially after we give them a closer look. Each has an intriguing lifestyle to go along with their intriguing appearance.

The Tim Horton’s Earthstars are especially robust examples of their kind. These unique organisms look like miniature white puffballs when they initially pop out of the ground (or the chips in this case). The outer layer splits and peels back to expose an even smaller puffball inside. This central portion is full of micro spores which are ejected from the center hole in dirty little puffs when disturbed.

The “petals” on an open Earthstar expand or contract according to relative humidity. Wet conditions compel them to curl backwards – detaching the fungus from its base and lifting it, spider-like, off the surface. Dryer conditions then cause the petals to curve inward and return the structure to a roundish shape. Aerodynamically free and clear to follow the whims of the winds, the earth star will roll across the landscape like a tumbleweed and spread the spores to other Tim Horton’s.

While Earthstars walk and roll, the tiny Birds Nest fungi blast their spores into the surrounding world. There is little need to explain why these things are called what they are. One look shows each fungus to be a blackish “nest” containing 4 to 5 flattened “eggs” inside. To say that the eggs actually look more like Lentil beans and that the nest looks more like a funnel spoils the simplicity of this picture, so I’ll try to refrain from mentioning this again and stick with the bird analogy.

Each nest egg, called a peridole, contains a “yolk” –in reality a spore sac -attached to a tightly coiled cord with a glue ball at its end. The whole unit, the shell of the “egg” in this increasingly awkward description, is loosely attached to the base of the nest via a fragile stem.

The eggs violently hatch upon being struck by rain drops from heavy shower. As random drops pummel the open nest they are funneled to the bottom, rip open the eggs, and propel the spore case into the air. The coiled cord on the spore sac unravels and the sticky end flings about in until it strikes, and attaches to, an elevated plant stem a few inches off the ground. Dangling from this lofty (a relative term when it comes to lowly fungi) perch, the spore sac bursts and sends forth its load of dusty cargo.

Walking earthstars and fungal cannonballs make Tim Bits and Pumpkin Donuts sound rather lame don’t they? I’ll take mine with one cream and no sugar, please.